And then there was one

We had a going-away party for Selma today. Tomorrow, she is going to Kiev, where she'll spend two nights at a friend's apartment and then take a Saturday-morning flight back to the U.S. (It's the same flight Lorenza took last weekend.)

The party was held at the JIA office, with Aleksey and Angelina Soldatenka, our translator Yulia, the office manager (Tatiana), and Selma and me. The Soldatenkos broke out some cognac and champagne, and everyone made multiple toasts. We gave Selma a set of traditional tea napkins; she gave presents to us, too -- I got a handful of tokens for the Kharkiv metro system.

I gave Selma what is a tradition when an important editor or reporter leaves a newspaper: a mock front page devoted to the departing journalist. It's the newspaper equivalent of a roast -- funny, sometimes a bit crude. I called this spoof paper "Babushka's Bugle." The picture you see above is probably too small to read, and many of the jokes are insider, "you had to be there" jokes. But here's the lead story:

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As Williams departs, a nation mourns

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. These are the times that try men’s souls and women’s soles. I once had a dream about such times … Oy vey! My editor, who just came back from a journalism workshop, is trying to tell me something: “Write for the reader!” хорошо [OK]; as any fool can see, the sad news I am illuminating is this:

The legendary American journalist Selma Williams is leaving Ukraine this week, triggering an outpouring of grief and gratitude from our proud nation.

The government has declared a 30-day period of mourning, during which newspapers are forbidden to use poetry in the leads of their stories.

If Mrs. Williams’ departure has a silver lining, it is this: It has united President Viktor Yushchenko, Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych and Princess Yulia Tymoshenko, as well as the communists, the socialists, the capitalists, the subbotniks, the druids and the 251 other political parties.

Ukrainians of all political stripes have agreed to put aside their differences and work together to persuade Mrs. Williams to return to Ukraine. They have offered her unlimited cookies and tea for lunch for every day she spends in Ukraine.

The Verkhovna Rada passed a law thanking Mrs. Williams for training journalists in Ukraine and for buying enough train tickets to keep the transportation system solvent. Under the new law, Mrs. Williams can ride for free on any overnight train, as long as she sleeps in a top bunk.

Neighboring Russia greeted Mrs. Williams’ departure with dread. President Vladimir Putin closed his country’s borders to prevent the U.S. trainer from helping Russian media.

Clearly, Mrs. Williams’ departure has caused the greatest consternation in the Ukrainian Reality since the Orange Revolution. As I wrote earlier, these are indeed trying times.

– Andreyevsky Spuf

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The story on the lower half of the page showed the reaction of various people to Selma's departure. For example:

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Borat Sagdiyev: With Selma safely corseted back in U.S. and A., my sister is again sexiest bitch in glorious former U.S.S. and R.

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We're all going to miss Selma a lot -- both for her professional skills and her optimism and good humor. She's a terrific colleague, and Ukraine won't be the same without her.